So yeah so\u2026 a while back, Canadian Running Magazine posted some Usports men\u2019s<\/a> and women\u2019s<\/a> pre-season rankings that were lacking a bit of info from key sources. Now we can\u2019t really blame Marley \u2013it took us years of being an idiot to get to the insanely high quality of nonsense you are currently reading. I mean it\u2019s like whoever the Yoshi voice actor is in Mario. Do you think they could do that voice when they first started? Absolutely not. The producers probably yelled at them for hours like assholes while making them repeat the words they wanted until the actor came up with the ones that sounded right. Probably didn\u2019t even give the actor a lunch break. If it was Amazon they wouldn\u2019t have even given the actor a pee break<\/a>. ANYWAY, we have no idea what the heck Yoshi says, but the sound is iconic. It\u2019s also annoying enough that when Yoshi hits you with an item in Mario Kart<\/a> there is a 50% chance your controller is going through the TV. Yeah idk. That\u2019s what this column is now, the genesis of Yoshi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You might be thinking, \u201cWhy now? What is the meaning of a post-Thanksgiving bash?\u201d Great question. Unfortunately, it\u2019s not hurling turkey bones at the pots and pans you just cooked your food in to make music, it\u2019s actually just a name we decided to give this column to line up with the moment we found enough motivation to crank these out in a basement at 2am while being infused with MGMT\u2019s<\/a> Electric Feel. We will post some better pre-Usports ones up later. READ OR DON\u2019T<\/p>\n\n\n\n Honny Mentions<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n U of T: <\/strong>Still decent without Shukla but no ground-level, small tree extensions (low sticks)<\/p>\n\n\n\n UBC Okanagan: <\/strong>Joanna Brown = nasty, but Lauren McNeill = transferred home (I think)<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10. Alberta<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Yeah ya know I think Olivia Cooper and Jazzy Feds might be able to bring this team out east this time around after they sledded more dogs than the Dinos in Saskatchewan but who knows. If they conduct themselves in the complete opposite way of the men\u2019s team the chances only increase.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 9. UNB<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n These gals have scored two straight 1-pointers on the Usports rankings so far even after a solid one in Quebec last weekend. Is Ivy Biolowas nasty? If she can score pretty low a top 10 is possible, but it\u2019s always dicey with teams who have limited depth. Even more so when the non-existence of COVID-19 protections can completely derail seasons for people. They in the Gordie Howe position for now. Howe for now baby. New team cheer. You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 8. Queen\u2019s<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Top recruit Elizabeth Vroom shot to the top of the Usports name charts immediately after beginning to compete for the Gaels and they\u2019ve got other cars in the garage like Plouvier, Graham, Lane, and Lacy. This Bomb<\/a>a squad could be sneaky. Like C4\u2019s or something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 7. Saskatchewan<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Yeah, losing Hufsmith is tough but she didn\u2019t have a great Usports last year (29th<\/sup>) and the Huskies still placed fifth. The real question is what the status of Avery Pearson looks like as she went picnic mode and sat out(side) the Sled Dog open. We\u2019ll see if she runs the Stewy Cup this weekend. The big loss comes from Captain Natalia Bidulka graduating, as she really knew how to bring the hype in the room and made sure the team did their hill work<\/a> which is easy to skip in Saskatoon. Luckily our sources are saying the Halifax course is pretty flat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 6. St. FX<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Chisholm left to go fight for the Irish at Notre Dame and that\u2019s a tough L, but the rest return and Eileen Benoit might be nasty. Just gotta save some for Halifax and they might have some SandLUCK (x2).<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. Western<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Got blasted on their home course like golf balls out of bunkers but didn\u2019t run Sophie or Chloe Coutts. I\u2019m not convinced putting them in would put them ahead of the teams I put ahead of them. Maybe another month of results will? Anna Carruthers and Heidi Ohrling also return for a stangs squad that took down every other OUA team to place second last year at Usports in a bit of a surprise. We\u2019ll see if they can pull something like that off again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. McMaster<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n A pretty strong showing at the Western Invite with Hannah Goodjohn and Rosalyn Barret showing massive improvement to make up for the loss of Erin Mawhinney. The return of Morgan McKeown from the stationary bike also helps a lot. Top five in sight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Guelph<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Yeah ya know I mean it happened last year. Laval decided to sandbag Western and everyone put Guelph at the top so we\u2019re not falling for that again. 3rd<\/sup> place. Ormond is confirmed nasty though.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. UBC<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n They put a bunch of runners up near Joanna Brown at the Trinity Western Invite and return all scorers from last year when they placed 4th<\/sup>. Plus they have the additions of Kiana Gibson (8th<\/sup> last year) and Marley Beckett (16th<\/sup> 2019). Indeed, the tag team of the Becks (Beckett + Becker) plus Gibson and the faces from last year (Campbell, Doorenspleet, Sim, Austin, Hennesey) could win gold for this team. They probably have the most depth. Submarine mode.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Laval<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Well the Rouge et Or lost Anne-Marie Comeau but picked up Florence Caron who really knows how to fire heaters out there it\u2019s like she grew up inside of a cannon or something. Sara-Pier Paquet is also running really well to help Lacourse, Beauchemin, and Berub\u00e9. It looks like a repeat for sure but again, COVID-19 can make it tough. Stay safe out there folks, and if you would rather have seasons where you don\u2019t have to worry so much about illnesses that greatly affect athletic performance, hit up linktr.ee\/km4PublicHealthcare<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Honny Mentions<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Dinos: <\/strong>They\u2019re done. Can you believe it<\/a>. No more team members from THE DINOS<\/a> of 2018 and 2019 (and the team that won every<\/a> single<\/a> conference<\/a> in 2017<\/a>). What a run. Still can\u2019t believe Eric Lutz\u2019s name is pronounce L-OO-TZ. End of an era. Up to Jessica O\u2019Connell to build this team back up now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n McGill: <\/strong>Matty Beaudet came 6th<\/sup> last year and his squad backed him up at the Capital City race in Ottawa this year, but Queens didn\u2019t run Kirby and a Usports field might hurt a team like this. Potential top 10 though.<\/p>\n\n\n\n UBC Okanagan: <\/strong>Hofbauer going for the historic Toronto Waterfront Marathon\/Usports double? Would be pretty nuts. Like caramelized pecans. Those are pretty, and they’re also a type of nut.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10. St. FX<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Jacob Benoit is the low stick and I can only imagine<\/a> what hell these guys are doing for their practices this year to make up for a \u201cLaterne rouge\u201d<\/a> finish at Usports in 2021. It would be like if Frodo and Sam fluffing sprinted across middle earth to toss that ring in the volcano and end the trilogy in 30 minutes. Peter Jackson goes home devastated. Sources are saying this team wants to make it two AUS spots in the top 10 this year which could mean double the milk if I decide to put that offer up again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 9. Windsor<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Got some pretty confident dudes from the Win city hitting up the DM\u2019s saying they deserve a top 10 so that their athletic department lets them travel to the show so here it is. These are the only rankings that matter. What do coaches know? Luke Mawhinney and Jonny Rioux have been smelling all kinds of fumes in Malden park while doing loops inside and out like Rotini pasta so we\u2019ll see how that works out for the Lancers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 8. Alberta<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Well Riley Stuermer just beat some pretty good guys to win the Trinity Western invite and there is a petition to bring his mullet back so there\u2019s that. They lost Borkman and Chauvet though. Logan Arthur has also yet to race \u2013what\u2019s up with that? Luckily it looks like Will Cebuliak has gone stool mode and stepped it up and Ron MacLean has joined the squad, plus Brendan Simone is eating food off of airport floors. We kinda chirped these guys in the women\u2019s section but their unorthodox methods kinda work for them and they aren\u2019t the type of squad you want to get into a chirp battle<\/a> with. Hopefully they aren\u2019t too mad about 8th<\/sup>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nWomen<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
Men<\/h1>\n\n\n\n